Time is running out.

Something new today: I have two short video clips to post. The quality is by no means great, but it’s something new. However, the files are pretty big, so I’m not sure if I can manage to upload them within my hour in the computer lab. I guess we’ll see by the time I have my pictures uploaded and am ready to post this, whether I was able to or not. If not, I’ll try to upload them at a later date.

 

 

Friday, August 1^st

Unfortunately, my wish didn’t come true. Evan already had plans for Friday night, so I hoped to talk Soo Young into going. Since he also really wants to go drinking with Fujimura-sensei, I was hoping together we could convince the other Koreans to go. But Soo Young didn’t even come to class today. Finally, I talked to Sang Mook, but he said that even though most people are likely free, they probably wouldn’t want to go if Evan’s not going. The fact that we’d be celebrating my victory at the speech contest doesn’t seem to matter—Evan is the whole reason the Koreans in our class go to these nomikai events, so if he doesn’t go, they don’t want to go.

 

Couple this with the fact that I had no other plans for Friday night, nor for the weekend in general, and I was once again frustrated and upset, bordering on another breakdown. Cat’s still going out of her way to avoid me. Shaunte still goes along with whatever Cat does. Caslyn, Yana, Kelcy, and Robyn are climbing Mt. Fuji. Evan is renting a car and driving to the mountains with Sang Mook and some of the other Koreans in our class. I knew they’d been planning something all week, but I wasn’t sure what until Ji Young told me. She asked me if I was going with them. When I tried to explain to her that I hadn’t been invited, she looked really confused.

 

I travelled back to the dorm with a growing sense of dread. I know I should look forward to weekends because I actually have time to explore more of the city, but although I know I am capable of amusing myself on my own, the loneliness that’s been gnawing away at me for a couple of weeks now makes it impossible for me to look forward to the prospect of another weekend spent by myself.

 

So, it’s been another boring Friday night. I briefly considered going out on my own, but what’s there to do? Most shops still close at 8pm, and anything else wouldn’t be fun without companions.

 

The only thing to cheer me up was that I had e-mailed sensei earlier to let him know there wasn’t going to be a nomikai tonight, and he e-mailed back a little while ago. We e-mailed back and forth a couple of times. I asked him if he had any fun weekend plans, and he said he’s working the entire weekend. (I think he has a second job, because I can’t imagine he’d be doing work for school all weekend, when the teachers at KCP only teach half days.) He told me to make lots of memories and tell him about it afterwards so that he can live vicariously through me. D’awww.

 

I know that lately I’ve been sounding like I’m obsessed with him, but I’m not. Okay, well, maybe a little, but it’s not that serious. It’s just that he’s so kind, and when I feel down like I have been lately, I have a tendency to cling on to whatever kindness I receive. I think he understands that I’m not a very chatty person, but when I do talk, he cares about what I have to say. And it’s really nice to feel like someone cares right now.

 

 

Saturday, August 2^nd

Shaunte and I ended up having breakfast at the same time this morning, and she asked me what my plans were. I told her I had no idea yet, as I honestly didn’t. Two of the main things left on my list are Odaiba and art museums. However, as mentioned yesterday, I also didn’t really want to be by myself the entire weekend. So, when Shaunte said that she was probably going to go with a group of people from her class to see the fireworks tonight, I told her I’d probably go with her.

 

She said the group was probably meeting around 4:30pm, which meant that I couldn’t really go anywhere or do anything else. I was all right with that, though. Instead, I did homework, so that if I want to, I can go out and do something all day tomorrow and not worry about having to find time to do that. I also just lay back and reflected for a long time, which I guess was nice, other than the fact that afterwards I couldn’t help but feel a little bit annoyed that I’d spent 3 hours doing nothing other than thinking.

 

Around 4, I started getting ready to leave, but Shaunte texted me saying she was going to be a little late because she was still out shopping with Cat. She told me I could go ahead and meet up with the other people from her class, but since I don’t really know them, I told her I’d rather wait and go with her. She said that that was fine, but that Cat was coming too. Given the fact that Cat hasn’t said a word to me for almost two weeks now, I realized that this was going to be interesting. However, since I’d already given up on doing anything else today, I decided to still go.

 

We left around 5:30pm. Cat and Shaunte filled out the little forms that we have to turn in if we want to stay out all night because they were fairly sure they were going to go clubbing after the fireworks. I wasn’t sure whether I was invited, or whether I even wanted to be out all night, but I figured it was always better to fill out the form just in case. Doing so doesn’t mean that I can’t come in if I’m back before 11pm like normal. So, I turned in a form as well.

 

We took the subway and then the train, and met up with the others—Manny and two Korean girls—at Sugamo Station, where we had to transfer to another subway and travel another 15 minutes or so to Nishi-Dai. Manny and the girls were wearing yukatas. I had brought mine in my bag to change into later because I didn’t want to be the one awkward white person on the train in a yukata. You see people like that occasionally, and they always look incredibly out of place, and everyone always stares.

 

The fireworks were starting at 7pm, and we got to Nishi-Dai around 6:30. Everyone was starving, so we ran into a nearby McDonalds and got some food. I also took the opportunity to run to the bathroom and change into my yukata, which was a little difficult because it was so cramped in there, but I managed. I was wearing the blue yukata I don’t like that much because I still don’t have an obi to go with the purple one, and the red one that goes with the blue yukata wouldn’t look good with it.

 

The fireworks had already started by the time we left McDonalds, but the show was two hours long, so we weren’t concerned. We just took our time and followed the crowd. The fireworks were big enough that they were visible from most parts of the city, but we still tried to get as close as possible to where they were being shot off. It was a fairly long walk, but it was worth it. They truly were some of the biggest and most impressive fireworks I have ever seen.

 

We took a lot of pictures. I had unfortunately forgotten my camera at home, so I took a lot of pictures with my phone instead. It actually worked pretty well, although I only belatedly realized that I had the phone’s camera set on low quality with a small size, when it’s actually capable of taking 1600x1200 pictures in fairly high quality. I’m not going to bother posting many of them, though, because I realize pictures of fireworks are not the most exciting thing in the world. I also don’t really have any good pictures of myself in the yukata, unfortunately. Hopefully somebody else will post their pictures, and I can take advantage of that.

 

The fireworks ended around 9pm, after which there was a massive wave of people heading back toward the station. There were definitely at least ten thousand people there. Rather than get crushed in this crowd, we decided to take our time heading back. There were a lot of stalls on the side of the road selling various kinds of food and drinks, and a lot of them were reducing their prices now that the fireworks were over because they wanted to sell out. So, we sat in a parking lot and feasted on cheap yakitori.

 

Finally, though, we decided we needed to head back toward the station. However, I was out of money—I didn’t even have enough left on me for the train fare. I tried to find a konbini where I could use the ATM, but I didn’t manage to find one. Finally, Shaunte told me she’d just spot me the train fare. She still owes me money from when we went to the butler café, anyway, so that worked out.

 

I think we boarded the subway around 9:50pm. It was jam-packed full of people. There hadn’t been time to take off my yukata, but since there were lots of people on the train wearing yukatas, I didn’t feel so terribly out-of-place. We got off the subway at Sugamo and boarded the train. Shaunte, Cat and I got off at Ikebukuro, while Manny and the Korean girls were heading toward Shibuya to go to the club. Shaunte and Cat were going as well, but they wanted to stop by the dorm first. Manny had invited me, but I’d decided I wasn’t in the mood. I wasn’t opposed to the idea of staying out all night, but since Cat had been continuing to ignore the fact that I even exist, I realized I probably wasn’t going to have too much fun if I went. Instead, I’d tried to get in touch with Soo Young, since he’s been insisting that he wants to go drinking or dancing with me sometime. However, he wasn’t answering his phone or his texts, which meant he was probably at work, where he often doesn’t get off until 1 or 2 am. Since it was about 10:30pm, I resigned myself to the fact that I was just going to head home.

 

Unfortunately, as I may have mentioned before, Ikebukuro Station is huge, and I got separated from Cat and Shaunte. This wasn’t a big deal until I reached the ticket gate for the subway line I always ride and realized… my subway pass was gone. I checked my bag several times, taking everything out at least three times. Still, it was nowhere to be found. I was incredibly frustrated—especially because I knew I’d brought it because I’d used it on the way to the fireworks, and I’d put it in the inner pocket of my bag, from which it’d be hard to disappear. But no matter how much I searched, it was gone.

 

Still, this would not be a big deal, because I could just buy a regular subway ticket… except that I had no money. I had, at most, about ¥60 on me, and the fare costs ¥160, so I was at least ¥100 short. My agitation increased when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to get home until I found an ATM—and if I didn’t want to stay out all night, the clock was ticking. It was already 10:40pm.

 

ATMs are not too terribly hard to find, but the big problem is that the vast majority of them don’t accept any American debit/credit cards except for CitiBank. The only places I’ve found where I can consistently use my card are at CitiBank, 7-11, and Lawson ATMs. I tried a couple of the ATMs at the station, but none of them worked. I ended up going into Ikebukuro city to search for a CitiBank or a konbini. I found several Sunkus and FamilyMarts, but the ATMs there didn’t take my card either.

 

Meanwhile, I was still wearing the yukata and getting funny looks and occasionally whistles and cat-calls from men hanging around the city. I was hot, sweaty, angry, frustrated, panicked about the prospect of possibly not being able to get back into the dorm, and I still couldn’t locate an ATM I could use. I finally decided I should head for the part of Ikebukuro where I knew there was a Lawson—but it was way on the other side. I had to walk very far, which was a pain because the yukata restricted my motion, and the shoes I was wearing are not ones I can walk for very long in. My legs and feet ached.

 

At long last, I managed to find a 7-11, where I finally managed to be able to use the ATM and withdrew money. It was now 11:05pm. I dashed back to the station, bought a ticket, and got on my subway.

 

I had texted Shaunte earlier explaining my situation and asking her, before she and Cat headed out again, to let the dorm mother know I was intending to come back before 11pm but was stuck at Ikebukuro. I hadn’t really received a positive confirmation, though, so I wasn’t sure what I was going to find when I got back and was still pretty panicked. In my head, I tried to figure out a back-up plan—what to do, who to call. Since I only got my phone a couple of weeks ago, the only phone numbers I have are Shaunte’s (who was now on the way to Shibuya), Evan’s (who had gone to the mountains), Tyler’s (who lives two hours away), Soo Young’s (who hadn’t been answering his phone or texts), and Fujimura-sensei’s. So, none of those were really usable. I finally decided that my contingency plan, if I did find myself to be locked out, would be to go to an Internet café, pay for 6 hours of time, and spend the night in one of the booths there. It wasn’t the optimal solution, but it would be cheaper than a hotel and relatively safe.

 

Luckily, when I arrived at the dorm (around 11:20pm), the door had been left unlocked and the hallway light was still on. Utsugi-san herself was nowhere to be found—I had planned to apologize to her and explain the situation if needed—but after I had gone to my room and came back into the hall, the light was off and the door had been locked and bolted, so I know she’d been waiting for me. I guess the situation had been explained, and everything was all right.

 

The final frustration of the night was that, because I’d come in after 11pm, despite how sweaty and gross I felt, I couldn’t take a shower because of the stupid 5:30-to-11 rule.

 

I suppose all’s well that ends well, but I did realize once again that although I don’t really want to go back to the U.S., I also couldn’t stay here with the way things are now. If I’m going to live here, I need my own apartment, where I can come and go as I please, and where it’s okay to take a shower after 11pm or in the morning.

 

 

Sunday, August 3^rd

Since I hadn’t really done too much yesterday, I was determined to do something today. Sundays (in my mind) seem to be well suited for museum visits, and since the weather was nice (if a little too hot for my liking—the high of the day ended up being around 35°C), I decided to head to Ueno, where most of Tokyo’s major museums are located.

 

Ueno’s not too far from where I live. I had to transfer from the subway to the train at Ikebukuro. Total travel time was less than half an hour. It wasn’t very hard to make my way to Ueno Park and the museums, either. It’s a very popular place both among tourists and regular Tokyoites.

 

I had previously read up on the different museums in Tokyo and decided that the one I’d most like to visit was the Tokyo Metropolitan Art Museum. It features mainly contemporary work, including Japanese modern art and graphic design, which was what I wanted to see. I enjoy older Japanese/Asian art, too, but those are more accessible in the West, and I have studied them a lot. I really wanted to have a chance to see some work that I might not otherwise find out about in America.

 

The TMAM (as I’ll call it from here on out) has special exhibitions as well, and starting yesterday, they were holding a highly-marketed exhibition on Vermeer. Yes, the Dutch painter. I’d seen the posters advertising the show around the city, and it was clear when I got to Ueno that the vast majority of the visitors were there for that exhibition.

 

Unfortunately for me, once I got inside the museum, figuring out where to go was difficult. There was some English signage, but the vast majority of it was Japanese, with way too many kanji I didn’t know. The problem was that I wasn’t really interested in the Vermeer exhibit, but rather wanted to see the museum’s permanent collection. They were selling tickets for the Vermeer exhibit, but I wasn’t sure if that included the permanent collection or not. There was only one other register selling tickets that weren’t for the Vermeer show, but from the signage, I couldn’t tell what exactly those tickets were for. I’ve usually found that in these situations, you just follow the crowds. So, I got in line behind everyone else and bought a ticket for the Vermeer exhibit. Besides, I recalled the time when I’d gone to the Murakami exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum in April, and tickets for the special exhibition had included the permanent collection as well. Since these tickets were slightly expensive—¥1600—I figured this museum likely worked the same way.

 

After buying my ticket, I made my way over to the Vermeer exhibit, intending to take a quick walk through it and then find my way to the rest of the museum’s exhibits. I’m not claiming to be extremely knowledgeable about Vermeer, nor have I seen very many of his works in person, but it’s just that I didn’t come to this museum to see Western art. It was pretty cool to see such an extensive homage to my countryman, though. They only had about 8 or so of Vermeer’s works to display, but the exhibit also included a lot of works by several of his pupils and contemporaries—all of them Dutch. It was a pretty nice exhibit, even though I breezed through it.

 

However, after making my way to the end, I found myself at the museum exit instead of at a point where I could access the rest of the museum. Confused, I headed back toward the lobby and wandered around for a while, trying to figure out where to go. I finally found an entrance to a gallery that looked interesting, but they were taking tickets. That’s when I realized I’d gotten in the wrong line earlier after all, and really should’ve gone to the other register. I went back, bought the other ticket (another ¥800, after spending ¥1600 on an exhibit I hadn’t wanted to see—I was pretty frustrated), and went to the other gallery.

 

On the bright side, this second exhibit was definitely worth it. It featured a mix of contemporary Japanese art, ranging from paintings and drawings to photography, sculptures, collages, and even calligraphy. Not all of it was necessarily good, or I didn’t always like it, but a lot of it was work that I knew would likely never go on display in the West, or at least not outside of New York City and LA, so I had gotten my wish of seeing something special, seeing art unique to Japan.

 

I spent quite a long time checking out this collection. When I was finally done, I found myself back in the museum lobby. However, the museum still had other galleries I wanted to check out, but I didn’t see them selling any other tickets. Once again confused, I walked to one of the other galleries to see what other people were doing. There were museum staff sitting by a table near the entrance, but it turns out that they were only handing out informational flyers, not taking tickets. As it turned out, the rest of the museum—aside from the Vermeer exhibit and the gallery I’d just come from—were free.

 

Both relieved that I wouldn’t have to pay any more and angry that I’d already paid much more than I’d actually needed to, I found my way to a calligraphy gallery. Or, rather, one of the museum’s five calligraphy galleries. I think Asian calligraphy is beautiful, and it was interesting to see all the different styles and approaches, but by the time I reached the end, I realized I’d had quite enough.

 

After that, I made my way over to two adjacent galleries that were both displaying landscapes and sumi-e paintings—paintings done solely in black ink; you’ve probably seen them. There’s a strong relationship between calligraphy and this style of painting. I love this style and studied it a lot in high school, so it was nice to see the real thing. It was also nice to see so many different views of Japan and Japanese culture. In the contemporary gallery I’d gone to earlier, many of the paintings were of Japanese artists’ views of Europe, especially France, so I was delighted to see more of Asia. I also enjoyed having the galleries mostly to myself, since everyone else was apparently just here to see the Vermeer exhibit.

 

There was a very small gallery showing more modern works and a bit of graphic design. Unfortunately, they were apparently getting ready to change the exhibit, because they were already taking down a few of the artworks.

 

There was only one more gallery left after that. I was tired and needed to sit down, take a break, and eat lunch, but since I was so close to finishing seeing everything there was to see, I figured I would do this one more gallery and then go eat. It was mostly more ink-brush painting, but some of the paintings had more modern twists and used color. My favorite was a painting of three penguins done in black ink, with just a little bit of yellow for added detail. Very realistic, and very beautiful.

 

I kind of breezed through that last gallery, though, just because I was so tired. The museum didn’t have the air-conditioning turned up high; the temperature was all right, but the air wasn’t circulating very well, so I found it stuffy and hard to breathe. I was happy when I was finally back out in the park, even though it was extremely hot and humid, just because there was a light breeze.

 

After eating my lunch, which I’d brought from home with the foresight that everything sold at the park would likely be ridiculously overpriced, I needed to decide where to go next. It was around 1:30pm, and the museums all close around 5pm. The other major museums at Ueno include: the Tokyo Western Art Museum, a natural history museum, and the Tokyo National Museum. Out of all of them, the latter was the one that interested me the most because it boasts the largest collection of Japanese art in the world, but most of it is historical/non-contemporary art, and besides, the museum is so vast that I feel like you should take out an entire day just to visit that museum alone. I also felt like I’d drank my fill of Japanese art and was sated for a while. No need to overdose.

 

So, no more museums. I was fine with that, but it did mean I had to decide what to do instead. Aside from the museums and the park itself, Ueno is famous for its zoo, but although I like zoos (and the Ueno zoo definitely has penguins), I didn’t much care for the prospect of going to one by myself. Also, it was just much too hot to spend that much time walking in the sun.

 

Instead, I decided to go explore Ueno Park a little, taking lots of breaks in the shade to relax and watch people. There are several shrines in the park, and even though by now I feel like I’ve drank my fill of shrines and temples, I decided to check them out, just because they’re always interesting to see. No two look exactly the same. The park also includes a beautiful five-story pagoda which is not accessible to the public, but I did manage to see it and take pictures from fairly close by.

 

Other than that, there’s a large pond where you can rent various kinds of boats. I suppose it’d be a nice thing to do on a date, or something, but even if I hadn’t been alone, it was far too hot. (Yes, I know I’ve said that several times now, but I’m going to keep emphasizing it because it was disgustingly hot—quite possibly the hottest day I’ve experienced here thus far.)

 

In the end, I walked a lot. Apparently there’s a recommended walking/jogging route at Ueno Park, and I walked that route and more, which meant that in total, I probably walked some 3km. Of course, I did take a lot of breaks. I took a lot of pictures, sketched a little, and spent some time listening to a couple of street musicians. It was a satisfying and relaxing afternoon.

 

By 4pm, though, I had to get out of the heat, so I boarded the train and headed back to the dorm, where I took a much-needed shower. I lay in bed and relaxed for a while, half-considered napping, then walked to the suupaa to buy food for dinner. I ate, studied for a while, and started on the next chapter’s homework.

 

At one point, I was transferring everything from my “weekend bag” (which I take when I go shopping, exploring, etc.) to my “school bag” (the messenger bag I take to school with me every day) when I came across a pack of gum in the inner pocket of my weekend bag. I decided I was in the mood for gum, so I slid the tray out of the package (it’s the Japanese version of Eclipse gum, called Excel here, if that gives you a mental image of the packaging) only to find… my train pass had been stuck inside! I was, of course, elated to find that it wasn’t gone after all, because otherwise I would’ve had to fork over ¥380 every day just to get to and from school, though I really wish I would’ve found it on Saturday and been able to save myself all that trouble I went through to find an ATM.

 

Even though it’s only 10pm, I’m pretty damn tired, so I think I’m gonna hit the sack.

 

 

Monday, August 4^th

I almost cried when I woke up today and saw that it’s already August 4^th. The time is going way too fast. Are there really only 10 days left? It’s still a little hard to imagine.

 

I went to school early to do more of the e-learning stuff. Then I went to class as usual. Fujimura-sensei’s class was fun, but I think everyone was suffering a little from a Monday slump. A couple of people fell asleep in class. It was probably also partly due to the weather. It was gloomy and dark all day, and it looked and smelled like rain, yet it didn’t rain. Nothing is worse than when it looks exactly like it’s going to rain, but then it doesn’t. Something about days like this just saps all your energy.

 

I stayed after class for a little while to talk to Fujimura-sensei about Newspaper Club stuff. We want to put out our first issue on Friday so that those of us who are leaving next week still have a chance to see and read it before we go. That means that I need to work on the layout and put all the articles together before Friday. The newspaper’s only two pages, but that actually makes it harder on me because there are a lot of articles that need to be entered. Takahashi-sensei told me I can cut out text at my own discretion, but I feel a little bad for the author(s) if I do. It’s going to be a challenge, but I’m up to it.

 

I had nothing to do but go home after that. I’d already finished tonight’s homework, so I continued to work ahead for a little while, sent out a couple of e-mails, and started on the newspaper design, even though they haven’t sent me the articles yet. I have a feeling Takahashi-sensei probably sent it to my Gmail account, even though I told Fujimura-sensei that my Softbank account is better. I can just transfer the attachments to my laptop using Bluetooth. But if she sent it to my Gmail account, I can’t get the articles until tomorrow morning.

 

 

Tuesday, August 5^th

Yet another day closer to my departure. A sickening sense of dread is settling in my stomach. I know I’ve been feeling conflicted, between my desire to stay here and my recent loneliness and sense of isolation, but in the end the desire to stay here wins out. Unfortunately, I don’t have any choice in the matter. I have to go back.

 

I went to school early again to use the computer lab, for posting my blog and pictures this time. I’m also trying to upload my videos that I took at Ueno Park, but the files are pretty big (about 100 megs each) so I don’t think it’s possible to do so within my hour in the lab. If I can manage to post them at some point, I will.

 

Other than that, I have class, and then my oral proficiency test that’s part of my final grade around 5:30pm. I’m not a big fan of oral exams, but there isn’t really a way to prepare for them, so I’ve managed to not really stress out about it too much. No use worrying about it until it happens.

 

On a bright note, today could be the day I go drinking with Fujimura-sensei. Everyone had agreed that Tuesday works for them, although we didn’t really iron out the details yesterday because everyone was so brain-dead, so there’s a small chance it might not happen. Hopefully it will, though, because I’ve waited long enough. The other problem could be that sensei said that he usually doesn’t get off work until 7pm at the earliest, possibly 8 or 9. With my curfew, depending on where we go drinking, I can’t really stay out past 10. Given how long I’ve waited for this, it’d be hugely upsetting if we get to spend less than an hour drinking together. Damn curfew! I’ve been getting really annoyed with it this past week.