Time to Say Goodbye

Tuesday, August 12^th
After my last post, I headed to my last normal class at KCP… ever. We learned some new grammar and vocabulary, though class still ended a little early, and Saitou-sensei encouraged us to use this time to say our farewells. She had those of us who are leaving tomorrow (ie. Evan, Caslyn and I) make short speeches, and I used the opportunity to distribute my business cards. Saitou-sensei also made a little speech because it turns out it was her last day at KCP as well. She’s moving to Hungary to be with her boyfriend.

 

I had to do my weekly intonation and pronunciation check after class, after which I got talked into walking down to the office with Saitou-sensei, Caslyn, Evan, and Gyeong Mi. The latter three all had tests to retake, and though I hadn’t failed anything and thus had nothing to retake, Saitou-sensei told me I should come along anyway. I didn’t mind too much because I honestly didn’t have anything else to do. I didn’t really do anything… just chatted with Evan and Saitou-sensei a little, and then left.

 

There wasn’t any dinner waiting for me at the dorm, so I decided to have dinner in Shinjuku before heading home. I ended up going to one of the many meal-ticket restaurants, where, rather than ordering from a waiter or waitress, you buy a ticket for the dish you want, give it to one of the cooks, and then they bring you your food. I actually hadn’t been to one of these places yet, so it was an interesting experience. The food is pretty good, even if the restaurant didn’t win any points for ambience. For a quick, tasty, and above all, cheap meal, they’re good places to go.

 

After that, I wandered around the area a bit, looking for last-minute things to bring back. I went back to Kinokuniya one more time to look for a book for a friend, but no luck. With nothing else left to do, I got on the subway and headed back to the dorm.

 

I had two main things to do tonight: packing and studying. To be honest, though, I was never too concerned about the latter. I didn’t learn enough new grammar or kanji this term to feel like I’d benefit from a long cram session. I just read through the important parts of the textbook, reviewed particles, briefly reviewed vocabulary, and that was about it. The better part of my time and energy went into packing, which was already a good 2/3 along by this point, but it’s the last part that’s always the hardest. Trying to cram in the last few things, making final decisions about what to keep and what to throw away… It’s tough.

 

Anyway, aside from a few remaining odds and ends and things I can’t pack until Thursday morning, I’m pretty much done now. Even though I have a feeling I’m not going to be able to sleep too well, I’m gonna head to bed.

 

 

Wednesday, August 13^th
I ended up sleeping okay, but I woke up crying. The reason shouldn’t be any surprise—today was my last full day in Japan. I was very, very conscious of this from the minute I woke up.

 

Feeling restless, I left the dorm very early. I needed to mail my rice cooker home, but even so, I left the dorm far too early. After a good hour spent at FedEx dealing with all the paperwork and personnel who spoke very little English, I ended up wandering around Shinjuku and Kabuki-cho, looking for a restaurant to take Fujimura-sensei for his birthday dinner later. I’d texted him yesterday asking what he’d like to eat, to which he said, “If it’s a birthday celebration, then I want to eat cake!” …which wasn’t really the kind of response I’d been expecting. I’d intended it more as a Japanese vs. Indian vs. western food question. I’d kind of freaked out, because where was I going to find a restaurant that serves cake? Dessert in general isn’t too common at Japanese restaurants. Where was I going to take him so that we could have a delicious dinner and he could also eat cake?

 

I ended up finding three restaurants. One was a café that wasn’t really suitable for dinner, but I supposed we could always go somewhere else for dinner and then come there for dessert. Another was a very European restaurant that only had a grand total of six items on its menu, and it was pretty pricey, too. The last was Jonathan’s, a chain of western-inspired Japanese diners that’s pretty famous. Out of the three, I liked this one the best because it had a very varied menu, including curry, which I knew sensei would love. Though I was a little afraid that Jonathan’s might have the reputation of being cheap, I decided that, for the sake of having a nice variety of choices for dinner and sensei being able to have cake for dessert, unless sensei had another idea, we’d go there.

 

I still had about an hour left, but I headed over toward the school. I used the remaining time to read over my notes one more time and just relax before the long exam. We started off with a 50-minute essay. It wasn’t very difficult. 50 minutes is a lot of time and I actually ended up writing a page and a half when they only expected us to write a page. After that, we had a listening test which was very easy. I can happily say that my listening skills have improved a lot over the course of the summer. Then we had grammar, reading, and kanji. The grammar was pretty easy, though I know I messed up some particles. The reading was a little more difficult, mostly because they asked some strange questions I wasn’t sure how they expected us to answer. The kanji wasn’t particularly difficult, but I know I missed a few. By that point, though, I didn’t care anymore. I was so ready to get out. The entire exam had taken three and a half hours.

 

By the time we got out, though, we weren’t done yet. Evan, Caslyn and I had to head over to the main building for a short closing ceremony for our summer program. It was fairly informal. We were in one of the bigger classrooms. Tanaka-san and a couple of the other administrators made short speeches, and then they handed us our certificates. Those of us who had participated in the speech contest also got an envelope of pictures taken of us at the event. They asked all the students to make short speeches in Japanese about our experiences here. Since almost everyone said variations of either “I had a lot of fun” or “I went from knowing next to nothing to understanding Japanese just a little”, I chose to say 「皆さんは、この後で色々な所へ帰っても、日本語の勉強を続けて、頑張りましょう。」 which roughly translates to, “Everyone, even though after this we’re all returning to various places, let’s continue our study of Japanese and persevere.”

 

Afterwards, they had snacks, drinks, and ice cream for us while they encouraged us to mingle with the teachers and exchange contact information with each other before we said our goodbyes. I felt awkwardly out-of-place and was really ready to skip out on the whole thing and go to my dinner date with Fujimura-sensei (who wasn’t present because he hadn’t really been too involved with the U.S. students program), but leaving early seemed to be in poor taste, so I stuck around. I exchanged contact information with Lane (who, I only just learned today, actually spells his name Laeyn) and talked with Takahashi-sensei for a while. She said she still wants me to keep writing articles for the School Newspaper Club even if I’m no longer at KCP. That makes me really happy.

 

In the end, though, I just ran out of people to talk to and felt far too awkward, so I made my escape before the shindig was officially over. I assumed Fujimura-sensei was at the other building—he said that he was officially free for the day as soon as exams were done, but that he’d stick around and start on grading—but he wasn’t, so I called him and had to wait a little while before he walked up, with Takahashi-sensei. While he went inside to get some papers, Takahashi-sensei and I got to say farewell all over again. And then Fujimura-sensei and I were finally able to go to dinner.

 

Sensei seemed surprised that I wasn’t off with the other American students, but while I know that my decision to have dinner with him instead might in some sense seem antisocial, it made perfect sense to me. I imagine that almost everyone was spending their last night with the person or group of people who have been the most important person to them during their stay in Japan, and I guess it’s true that, however odd it might seem, that person, to me, is sensei. He’s the one person whom I feel understands me on more than a surface level, who doesn’t dismiss my quietude as a lack of interest but realizes it is the effect of thoughtfulness, and who has helped me gain the sense of emotional fulfillment I’d been lacking all this time.

 

Sensei was okay with Jonathan’s, so we headed there. As expected, he ordered curry, while I went for udon noodles in curry soup. In the meantime, we toasted to his birthday. He said he was really touched that I’d insisted on celebrating his birthday because he hadn’t done so in years. Aside from having few friends, he told me that his father usually forgets when his birthday is, or how old he is. Not only that, but it turns out that his mother had died in 1995 during the big earthquake in Kobe. (We’d read an article about it in class and I’d thought about asking him if he’d been there at the time, but I’d held off, fearing that maybe somebody he knew had died. I’m glad I’d decided not to ask.) He has an older sister, but they don’t get along—to the point where he doesn’t know where she is or what she’s doing, and he doesn’t want to know. I was quite shocked. I’d gotten the sense that he’s a slightly lonely person, but it turns out he’s a lot lonelier than I’d thought. Unfortunately, I did not know sufficient words in Japanese to express my sympathy.

 

His revelations made me all the happier, though, that I was able to do something for him and to spend my last night in Tokyo brightening someone else’s life, rather than selfishly indulging myself with something or other. Of course, the act was by no means entirely selfless. I was glad to have such good company for dinner, as well as such good food, which I’d rounded off with my favorite green tea ice cream while sensei had cheesecake.

 

To my relief, sensei allowed me to pay for dinner. I grabbed the tab before he could and though afterwards he tried to talk me into letting him pay for half, I insisted, and he didn’t argue. I felt much better about things then, because his paying for everything on Sunday really had made me very uncomfortable and unhappy. Now I felt like I didn’t owe him quite so much.

 

On the walk back to the subway station, I grew very quiet. I tried to find things to say, to try to remain cheerful, but it was hard, knowing that I was seeing and walking through Shinjuku for the last time. It took most of my strength not to cry, but I was determined not to. Today was for sensei, not for me.

 

We parted at the station, at the crossing where the paths for our two subway lines diverged. I still couldn’t manage to say much, but I think sensei understood that it was hard. He said that when he’d left Germany, he’d felt the same way. He hadn’t wanted to leave, but he had to. Anyway, he promised me that next time I come to Japan for an extended period of time, we’ll go to Osaka and he’ll show me around. In return, he said that if he ever makes it to the Netherlands again (he’s been there once, on a day-trip to Groningen), he expects me to show him around, to which I said, 「はい、もちろん。」 (“Yes, of course.”). And then it really was good-bye.

 

…But not really. I knew he’d text me by the time I got home, and he did. And even after I really leave tomorrow, I know we’ll still e-mail, probably fairly frequently. This is by no means the end. So I don’t feel too sad, aside from regretting the missed opportunities to hang out on Sundays and help each other feel a little less lonely. I do worry about him a little, and I hope he can make some good friends soon. Otherwise, I might feel just a little guilty for leaving.

 

At any rate, we’d taken our time with dinner, but by the time I got home, it was still only around 9:30pm or so. Evan had invited me to join Kevin and he as they planned to cross the Rainbow Bridge and walk around Tokyo all night. I’d told them I’d see how much energy I had when I got home. Turns out the wine I had with dinner went to my head more quickly than usual, meaning I feel pretty tired. I think I’m gonna have to pass on the all-nighter adventure, however much fun it sounds, and try to get some sleep. After all, knowing me, even if I did stay up all night, I probably still won’t manage to sleep much on the flight tomorrow.

 

 

Thursday, August 14^th
Before I begin writing, I will admit that this is being written retroactively. As such, it may be more or less detailed than it would have been had I tried to write this at the time. I don’t know, but the fact is, by the time I’d made it home (when it was still August 14^th, though I’d spent a good 15 hours traveling) I was too tired to write this, and it has taken me a few days to find the time and the energy. Just as an FYI.

 

I woke up around 6:30am to finish packing the last few remaining things. I ran around the dorm taking a few pictures, which somehow I’d never gotten around to. At the very beginning, I’d been too jet-lagged to deal with it, and after that, it had always seemed like there was still plenty of time left for things like this. And then, before I knew it, it’s the last day and I still hadn’t taken any pictures of my living environment. So I set about to rectify this at the last minute.

 

My train was leaving Ikebukuro at 9:30am, so even though it’s only a 3-5-minute subway ride, I left the dorm at 8:30—I’d planned to take a whole hour for the trip from the dorm to Ikebukuro. After all, I had two suitcases to transport by myself, and there were a lot of stairs. Kotake-Mukaihara (my station) doesn’t have any elevators. Though I love them to pieces, I will say that the Japanese are not the most helpful people in the world. Only once did a man passing by offer to help, and he happened to also speak English very well.

 

Taking out an hour for the trip to Ikebukuro turned out to be a very good idea. By the time I’d made it to the platform for the Narita Express train, it had been a good 40 minutes. The hardest part had been getting my suitcases up the stairs to this platform. All the other places had either been stairs going down, or there had been elevators going up.

 

The good news was, once I’d made it to that platform and then onto the train at 9:30am, my luggage did not pose any more problems, and getting to the airport was very easy. I suppose, in the end, I’m still happy that I’d decided to forego the expense of paying a courier to take my luggage to the airport, and had decided to take the most expensive train instead. Reserved seats were a godsend, and the train itself was very spacious and nice. They even came by with a cart selling drinks and snacks.

 

The total train ride took about 80 minutes. I wasn’t sure whether to get off at the Terminal 2 or Narita Airport stop, so I made a lucky guess and got off at the latter. Korean Air did indeed leave from Terminal 1. Lucky me.

 

Check-in didn’t take too long. My flight left at 3pm, and I was a good 3-4 hours early, so there weren’t many people in line. After that, since my stomach was growling, I decided to go search for lunch. I ended up indulging myself just a little by having takoyaki and beer. I wandered around the souvenir shops but didn’t see anything of interest, even though I had some ¥3000 left to spend. I later used the remaining money to buy McDonalds fries and another beer, and changed ¥2000 back into dollars just so I’d be carrying a little change when I got to the U.S.

 

At the gate area, I ended up meeting up with Kevin, who was on the same flight. (This wasn’t a surprise to either of us. We’d been on the same flight coming here as well.) We chatted a little. He told me about his nighttime adventure with Evan. We also discovered we were only sitting one row apart, though once we got on the plane, somebody asked him to switch seats with her so she could sit by her friend, and we ended up being pretty far apart. We were both pretty unlucky, too. We both sat in the middle section and had families with kids on either side. Kevin’s were babies, while mine were a girl of about 3 and about 6 who decided they wanted to be friends, and spent most of the flight trying to get over to each other’s side of the plane. I don’t know who had worse luck—Kevin or I.

 

There isn’t too much to say about the flight. It was only 10 hours this time instead of 12, but that’s still a long time. I decided to take advantage of the free alcohol this time, hoping that if I drank enough, I’d just pass out, but I only slept for a little bit, after which I just had to use the bathroom a lot, so it wasn’t that effective. For in-flight movies, they showed What Happens in Vegas and The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. I hadn’t seen either, but I’m not a big fan of romantic comedies, so I only watched the latter. Aside from that, I just listened to music a lot and tried my best to go back to sleep, which didn’t happen. I guess the flight also didn’t feel quite as long as I’d been expecting. Before I knew it, we were on the ground.

 

I was happy to have the long flight over with, but I still had a good five hours to go. I had about a two-and-a-half-hour layover at LAX, after which it was a little over two-and-a-half hours to Houston. I also got to deal with the joy of going through customs (first time doing so with my green card—it took all of 10 seconds, which was a big relief), waiting for my baggage (huge-ass flight so it took forever), rechecking my bags, and then navigating LAX to the Continental terminal (pain in the ass). At the other terminal, the lines for security were very long, and by the time I made it to my gate, my flight was about to start boarding. Quite a fortunate turn of events.

 

The second flight was fairly uneventful. We got a small snack, and they showed Kung Fu Panda. I tried to watch because I hadn’t seen it but really wanted to, but I only made it about 2/3 of the way through before dozing off. We touched down in Houston at almost exactly 5pm local time. Recall that I’d left Tokyo at 3pm local time. It was the longest day of my life.

 

August 14^th also happens to be my mom’s birthday, so aside from the heartache at having to leave Japan, it was nice that I was able to be there—to be my mother’s birthday present, in effect. She came by herself to pick me up at the airport, though my sister was waiting at the house by the time we got there.

 

Though I was tired, I forced myself to stay up until past 11pm, to try to get into a normal sleep schedule as quickly as possible. Watching the Olympics helped; I got caught up in watching the gymnastics finals, and actually ended up making it past midnight, though I crashed immediately after that.

 

 

I’ve been working on a follow-up post, wrapping up remaining business (such as pictures and videos that I wasn’t able to post earlier) and dealing with the overall aftermath of returning to the States—my thoughts and feelings since then. However, to prevent this post from getting too long, I’ve decided to post the two separately. I’ll put this up for now, and the other post will follow probably within the next day. I want all this stuff cleared up and squared away before I head off to Pittsburgh on Thursday—though, as I’ll explain in my next post, this is likely not the end of my posts here. But I’ll save that for later. For now, apologies for the delay, and thank you all for sticking with me this long.